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Mendoza Argentina the scent of Malbec wine

Mendoza Argentina the scent of Malbec wine

Posted on 05 April 2012 by Patricia Gras

Even though I was born in Houston Texas while my parents were doing their respective medical residencies, my dad as an anesthesiologist and my mom as a biochemist, as a child I really first noticed the world where I was raised, Mendoza Argentina. It’s always very easy for me to talk about this increasingly popular city where I grew up and where I was always surrounded by loving family and friends. You have probably heard of this city because it is the capital of the most prominent wine region in Latin America.

When I was growing up, I had no idea how important wine would be for this town. I knew I saw vineyards everywhere, but when you are a child you don’t understand the economics of a place, you just like where you are depending who you are with, and if there is a place to play. In Mendoza, I was always surrounded by stunning views of the Andes Mountains. My backyard had a small vineyard and so did a lot of my neighbors. When we played, our snacks were always Malbec grapes.

In Mendoza I don’t remember one day of rain. It was always sunny and the seasons well defined. I did hate the winter because we didn’t have central heating, so I would shriver every morning before going to school in my mom’s fiat. Everywhere you were in Mendoza, you could always see the snow capped Andes mountains in the background and they were always stunning.

My grandfather had owned a wine business so I had a lot of family involved in that industry. I actually played in wine pools and can always remember the scent of wine, but frankly even though wine was never missing in a meal, I didn’t understand its importance until I got older. My grandfather was from Molins de Rey, a town close to Barcelona in Spain and he like other immigrants from Italy and other European countries started vineyards to produce mainly Malbec and other fine wines.
Today, Mendoza is among the “Great Wine Capitals of the World, along with Napa, California, Bordeaux and Rioja. The region attracts winemakers from all over the world and they are investing in the region with the most innovating technology.

Tourism has also increased considerably since I was a child. Every year for instance between February and March, Mendoza celebrates the ever growing grape harvest festival (la Fiesta de la Vendimia)
This was such a special event, especially for kids, that no one could deny its magic, beauty and attraction.

Approximately a thousand performers, entertain the city’s residents and visitors in a musical Greek type Amphitheatre. Though I have travelled over 50 countries in my lifetime, I have yet to see the large scale sound and light show I saw as a child in Mendoza. I also remember the much awaited Carrusel parade where the local gauchos and festival queen hopefuls wave as they passed.

Life in Mendoza was full of rituals. There was the Asado or (meat grill) every Sunday at different spots, like the Andino club or my uncle’s farm. On Sundays, there was usually an important soccer game the whole family watched.
Every February we would get to dress up and get wet during carnival. In March there was of course the grape harvest festival. During the winter holidays we celebrated Christmas and New years by the pool (yes, it is summer there during christmas in the southern hemisphere) In spring time, I would often go to the mountains with friends to just hike, talk and drink mate (Argentine tea.) Then there was the peatonal, these are the pedestrian areas in the city’s center where people gather to have a cup of coffee, shop or watch street performers. This is where I would often meet friends on saturday mornings to do some people watching.

Almost everywhere you are in Mendoza, you can see Aconcagua, at nearly 23,000 feet, it is the highest mountain in Latin America, so you will always find a mountain climber walking around the streets of city.

Mendoza owns part of my heart and I have never met anyone who didn’t enjoy visiting. Besides great wine, the cuisine is exquisite, there are great crafts and galleries, adventure tourism and great plazas and parks, but for me the greatest gift Mendoza has to offer is its people. Perhaps I feel that way because I know their caliber and they know they live in a special paradise, far from the maddening crowd..so far.

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Mexico’s Drug War: An Excuse for Impunity and Increasing Violence Against Women

Mexico’s Drug War: An Excuse for Impunity and Increasing Violence Against Women

Posted on 02 March 2012 by Patricia Gras

MEXICO’S DRUG WAR AN EXCUSE FOR IMPUNITY AND INCREASING VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN by Patricia Gras
Photo Courtesy Judy Rand

When Stieg Larsson wrote the first of his famous trilogy known as the “Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” before he died, the actual title of his book was the “ Men Who Hate Women.”

As a teenager Larsson had witnessed a gang rape of a young girl. Her name was Lisbeth like the main character of his books who was also a victim of rape.

You don’t expect anyone to notice this type of misogyny against women in a socialized country like Sweden where women tend to have more equal and human rights than other nations, but Larsson was sensitive enough to notice this is an international problem that is seldom discussed. Some men simply hate women and though they sleep with them, have children with them or are related to them in some way or another, they have no trouble raping, mutilating, trafficking, harassing or forcing them to disappear under the guise of war, political conflict or economic gain.

I had seldom heard the term “femicide” often defined as the misogynist murders of women because they are women. This includes the mutilation, murder, rape and beating of women. Recently, feminists in Latin America have started to use the term to describe the massive murders of women in Juarez and other parts of Mexico and Central America.

Violence against women has increased around the world. The United Nations Development fund for Women estimates that at least one out every three women globally will be beaten, raped or otherwise abused during their lifetime. During war, the stats get worse. According to UNIFEM, since the 90’s, 90 percent of war’s civilian casualties are women and children, not soldiers and this is what we corroborated in Mexico.

In January of this year, I was part of a delegation of Nobel Peace laureates led by Jody Williams, who won her peaceprize in 1997 for her work banning landmines around the world. I had met Ms. Williams while doing a local follow up television program to the Women War and Peace PBS series by award winning documentarian Abigail Disney. (You can watch the unprecedented series online http://www.pbs.org/wnet/women-war-and-peace/.)

In the 80’s she had worked defending human rights especially in Central America and is now leading a campaign to stop violence against women worldwide.

The Women Nobel Laureates had gathered a diverse group together from the US and Canada. Besides journalists, there were human rights activists, an Oscar winning documentary filmmaker, a celebrity folk singer/songwriter, a comedian, and a movie star. We were there to listen to human rights activists in Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala. I was a participant in the Mexican portion of the trip.

The goal was to listen and find out why there were so many violations against human rights activists, especially females who are fighting injustice and insecurity, and to guarantee the Mexican Government protects them.

When the most violent drug war started in the beginning of 2006, the Juarez murders of hundreds of women became common in other parts of Mexico as well. The violence increased towards civilians, journalists and human rights activists. The violence was often brutal. The female editor of the Primera Hora newspaper in the border town of Nuevo Laredo for instance was beheaded for using social media to report on criminals. Right now Mexico is the most dangerous country in the world to be a journalist and if you are female the danger increases.

Living in Texas, we hear more about Mexico and the impact the drug war has on its people and the US but I never imagined I would hear the stories I heard and the ramifications for a nation threatened by a what appears to be a protracted silent war claiming thousands of innocent victims, many of them women.

One of our delegates was Laura Carlsen, the director of the Americas Program of the Center for International Policy. She has been writing about the current drug war’s impact on women in Mexico. She reports that the more than 50,000 Mexicans who have disappeared on the government’s assault on the drug trade are civilians and that murders of women have increased dramatically. She also cites a recent survey of Mexican women human rights defenders that found government national state and local security forces are responsible in 55% of cases of violence and threats of violence to women defenders.

The President of Mexico says they are mostly related to the drug dealers but what would he know when only 2 percent of crimes are investigated.

In two days we heard over 50 women, the common word that came out of their accounts was “impunity.” They say there is no justice in Mexico, even for those who demand it. For example, women who seek to find why a daughter disappeared or a son was murdered or why a human rights activist was raped by police.

In the last few years, six prominent human rights defenders have been murdered. And though women make up a small portion of murders in Mexico, they are the ones in the frontline, demanding justice, investigating cases, standing up for the disappeared, the raped, trafficked, tortured or dismembered.

There will be a report prepared by the Nobel Women’s delegation with all the accounts, each with its own characteristics, victims and anonymities since almost all lack any formal investigation.

As we listened to each account, the victims were no longer just tragic, cold and hard statistics. Each story had a face, and included a family’s suffering, an unsolved mystery and a high level of frustration and disappointment with authorities. They were accounts of real people seldom heard in their country or the world.

We heard the story of Araceli Rodríguez who is part of a movement for peace. Her son, a police officer disappeared like hundreds do in Mexico and there was no investigation. She like many with similar accounts of family members who disappear started the peace movement to carry out the investigations themselves. “I have learned to turn my own pain into collective strength. “ My soul has been mutilated by the absence of my son.”

María Herrera Magdalena shared a similar account. Her face stricken with grief while she spoke. Her four sons disappeared along with 19 other people. Again their cases were never investigated. Today she says spends every day tired of crying and begging for information. She is now committed to helping other families find their loved ones and demanding justice from the government. She like so many others call for a cease fire of a war that claims innocent and seemingly forgotten victims. “All governments in the world must come together to learn what is going on in Mexico. This is a national tragedy. We have been betrayed by our government.”

One of the most difficult cases we heard was fraught with tremendous brutality and violence. A young woman from Chiapas shared how working as a health provider with native women led to her torture and rape by several police agents. She can no longer find work. Her kids can’t go to school and she has no place to go though she suffers from PTSD.

Many of these women dealt with disappearances of family members and couldn’t get any relief from authorities so they joined groups to do the work of those who are supposed to serve them.

The next day we went to Chilpancingo the state capital of the mountain region of Guerrero, one of the poorest and most violent states in Mexico. Here indigenous peasant women suffer daily indignities by the police, the military, local governments and even their own tribes which have little regard for them.

80 percent of the natives here live in the mountains and in utter poverty.

Jody Williams shared at a press conference. “I was struck by the total lack of justice for indigenous women. The have no access to justice.”

Tlachinollan, the human rights center which welcomed us struggles to keep its doors open for human rights workers and those in need in this area providing all kinds of social and legal services and making sure mining (gold and silver) corporations or any corporations for that matter don’t step on their rights. The needs are much greater than the services, especially now under increasing militarization of the area. These indigineous communities are also plagued by domestic violence and to this day there are no women’s shelters to escape. If women have the courage to stand up for themselves, government officials won’t likely speak their native language and care little to meet their needs.

This extends to health care. We heard Juana Anairis whose sister passed in her twenties because the doctor refused to see her during the weekend. She died of a staff infection right after birth.

Two widows Margarita Martín and Marta Morales lost their human rights activist husbands and are trying to raise kids alone without a job because there is no work.

A young woman shared the story of her repressive family. Her own mother told her women in this culture were worth nothing. She refused to believe it and left her tribe at the age of 14 to study in another city. When she returned she was rejected because she was actually working and successful. This story was repeated by other women. They are discriminated outside and inside their communities.

Yet the courageous women who spoke don’t give up. They found radio stations, lead environmental groups, join the police force or defend women’s productive rights despite the harassment and danger. They continue to seek justice, though they are often re victimized, ignored or simply blamed, threatened for even speaking out. In Mexico, if you are a human rights leader, or a grassroots organizer or a journalist or indigenous and you happen to be female, the government will most likely turn you away.

We did visit the office of CONAVIM, the (Comison Nacional Para Prevenir y Erradicar la Violencia Contra Mujeres) ”The National Commission to prevent and eradicate Violence Against Women.” Dilcya García Espinosa de Los Monteros is respected for what she’s done in the short period there. She did promise the delegation leaders she would continue the dialogue with the network of human rights defenders and their office and create a protocol for the protection of the activists. She is also leading the creation of “Justice Centers” for women to protect their rights but she did admit they lack funds to confront such a widespread problem. This is also a political post which may end with the new administration.

Jody Williams shared she was happy CONAVIM was trying to make a difference. “They are people of action and as a woman activist myself with 40 years of experience, I know the only thing that works in these cases is action.”

Lisa Vene Klasen Director of Just Associates, an international women’s rights organization athat partnered with the Nobel Peace Laureates in the fact finding mission expressed CONAVIM was an ally and agreed to continue the dialogue between human rights defenders and the commission, especially to create a protocol to protect them.

What this agency can do however has a lot to do with the priorities of the new administration that will take over the country in July of this year. One of the most popular candidates Enrique Peña Nieto of the PRI party served as governor of the state of Mexico from 2005 to 2011, during one of the worst periods of violence against women and human rights violations in its history.

So whether it is the government, the cartels, priavate security companies hired by national or transnational companies, the police or the military, women or their defenders become targets, the victims of a society which generally doesn’t value them. Maybe Stigg Larsen has something to say about that but his voice is silenced not only by his passing but also by the loud violent voice of some weak, violent, and cowardly men who hate women.

If you want to help stop the violence against women. Here are some of the recommendations by the Nobel Women’s Initiative.

RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THE INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY:
� Prioritize human rights and women’s human rights in particular, in Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala. We urge you to work with the governments of Honduras, Mexico and Guatemala to ensure that it follows through on its responsibility to properly investigate all complaints of human rights violations against women, prosecute violations and compensate the survivors.
� Publicly denounce violence against women, including the targeting of women human rights defenders. Diplomats and members of the international community can help end the climate of ‘tolerance’ for targeted violence against women by denouncing specific cases of such violence as they arise.
� Tie aid and funding to human rights. We urge you to ensure that technical and financial support provided by different international organizations and governments to the governments of Mexico, Guatemala and Honduras fully complies with, and respects, human rights standards.
� Monitor the principal of judicial independence. We urge you to push the governments of Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala to guarantee judicial independence and effectiveness in order to combat impunity for violence against women and ensure fundamental rights are protected.
� Implement effective mechanisms for dispute resolution. We urge you to work with the governments of Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala to implement effective mechanisms to resolve disputes over land rights and titles, labour rights, environmental and collective rights. This will help ensure that women’s human rights defenders do not become targets of intimidation and aggression as a result of their involvement in these disputes.
� Support women at the community level to help bring an end to violence in the region. Investing in grassroots women’s organizations working to end violence in their community is a cost-effective, efficient and very sustainable way of improving security for people in Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala. We urge you to earmark a greater proportion of foreign assistance to women’s organizations. This community-based model will reduce a dangerous dependence on armed solutions to security challenges.
For more information on the delegation, please visit the Nobel Women’s Initiative website: www.nobelwomensinitiative.org.
For media interviews, please contact: Rachel Vincent, Media Manager, Nobel Women’s Initiative rvincent@nobelwomensinitiative.org | 613-276-9030; 613-569-8400, ext. 113

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MY TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR THE HOLIDAY SEASON

MY TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR THE HOLIDAY SEASON

Posted on 20 December 2011 by Ashley Mancha

These are my ten commandments for the holiday Season!

1.      Shop less and spend more time with the people I love.

2.      Buy a gift or food and pray for people I meet in the streets in the next two weeks:  the                 homeless, the mentally ill and the ones who have not yet seen experienced abundance.

3.      Finish all the projects that must be finished before next year!

4.      Dance with my family and teach little ones to enjoy music.

5.      Laugh and Yawn more.

6.      Get at least 8 hours of sleep now that I can.

7.      Give more hugs.

8.      Buy one good gift for family and friends  instead of 2,3 or 5.

9.      Be in gratitude at all times.

10.     Never get tired of smiling.

I leave you with this You Tube link made by a Canadian songwriter who has become a sensation. He and his sister did the video but what was most important to me was that he shares how the greatest gift he can give is the gift God gave him. He is a drummer, so instead of shopping, He just went Playin’ his drum.  This is his greatest gift. We all have something we do well, discover it and give it away this Christmas. Remember YOU are the gift!

If you enjoy classical music. This is my favorite CD. I recommend it. Ana Maria Martinez is a world renowned Soprano and she lives in Houston. I like to support my local artists.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000QQT0F4/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1/185-9685352-7946234?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_r=074MPMJ3JH9ZCZ67Y29M&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_i=B000BK53G0

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE, SPREAD THE LOVE!

 

Again, if you have talent, share it. That’s your gift (This is the Vazquez family. They recorded this song in their home studio, went viral and are now signing a contract with Sony.

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Living Smart’s last season and The Laws of Success

Living Smart’s last season and The Laws of Success

Posted on 02 December 2011 by Patricia Gras

By Patricia Gras

Dr. Sherry Buffington will be talking about the law of abundance this coming Sunday April 8th at 3pm on HoustonPBS. Although I am no longer at the station, this series is one of the best we ever recorded and this particular topic is of great importance in the times we live. I suggest you watch the show to learn what it is that may be keeping you from what you want.

I wanted to share some essentials of another book she’s written called the 7 Essentials of Lasting Success. What I love about this book is the emphasis on authentic self awareness and expression. This is so important to develop the other six essentials. Until we have clarity about what we are passionate about, we waste a lot of time and money running down the wrong path, doing the wrong things and getting the wrong results. The only way we can have the energy to do what makes us happy is to know what makes us happy! In other words, self awareness is the foundation for everything else.

Ask yourself what do I love to do? What is my dream job? What is my true mission in life? Do it with no limitations. Remember according to neuroscientist Mark Waldman 99 percent of negative thoughts are fabrications. We limit ourselves. Take a chance and the time to find out what makes you happy. If you have a close friend or family member you trust. Ask them if you can’t figure it out yourself.

Secondly, have a clear purpose and focus. Everyone else will tell you. Get a job, try this, or try that. There isn’t too much time to “try” things unless you are very young, when you should or when you are trying to find out who you really are, but after your 20’s, you should have a good idea of what makes you tick.  Write down your clear and passionate held goals and go after them. The worst thing you can do is to do nothing!

Dr. Buffington then talks about having open, expectant attitude and beliefs.  You must stay positive. You have to have faith in yourself. She says the only things that hold us back is our own conditioning, old baggage that is.

She says once “we add open, expectant attitudes and beliefs to a sense of direction and a plan for arriving at our intended destination, we begin to feel quite confident provided we have built healthy enough boundaries to prevent others from pushing us around or pulling us off our chosen paths.”

Dr. Buffington also gives advice on how to develop personal boundaries. Ask yourself the following questions.

Who you are

Who you are not

What you will accept from self and others

What you will not accept from self and others

 

To have strong boundaries, you need to be assertive, persuasive and negotiate well.

 

“Go for the moon. If you don’t get it, you’ll still be heading for a star. Happiness lies not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of the creative effort.”

Franklin D. Roosevelt.

 

Finally to achieve success, you need self confidence. Buffington calls the Confidence Formula. Knowledge, Experience and Positive Feedback. You must have all three to have confidence.

You must also have self esteem. That means we have to know we are worth the effort it will take to actually bring our dreams to fruition. Finally you need to have effective self management. Once others cannot impact you negatively, self management becomes natural and enjoyable. You will begin to develop healthier relationships and discover there are a lot of people willing to help those who act wisely and are willing and able to help themselves.

To create a path for success, Dr. Buffington suggests you lay out a specific plan for creating your own personal brand of success.

 

I look forward to working on these 7 essentials the rest of my life! I suggest you stay tuned to Dr. Sherry Buffington’s show on the Law of Abundance which is expected to air in April of 2012.

 

In the mean time I suggest you watch this past show on the Art of Happiness.

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SEXUAL ABUSE makes me sick!

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SEXUAL ABUSE makes me sick!

Posted on 16 November 2011 by Ashley Mancha

By Patricia Gras and Ashley Mancha

 

In  the past week, sexual abuse has taken stage in the news.  A popular Penn state coach and the Penn State President were fired for not doing enough about a sex abuse scandal and sexual abuse teen victim Ashley Billasano committed suicide. She was only 18 years old but had lived with the pain for years.  There is nothing that bothers me more than the sexual or physical abuse of children.  Apparently Billasano had tried to get help but she was frustrated because she was not taken seriously.

Every time I read that a child who has been sexually abused has committed suicide, or started acting out at school or sexually (not uncommon for those hurt by sexual abuse) I keep thinking how my society has failed to take this issue and our children seriously.  Then I look at the reaction of about a thousands students at Penn state (a true minority in a campus of 44,000) yet I think. What are these students thinking?  A winning Football team is more important than 8 victims whose lives have been shattered for no fault of their own? Surely the coach or the school president didn’t commit the crime. The issue is when someone does not speak out against abuse, or stop it. We are all responsible. One of the most important reasons why sexual abuse continues is that victims and those who know about it, don’t or can’t get the help or the attention they need or they simply become paralyzed with fear and shame .

This is an epidemic we should all be ashamed of! I believe we are all responsible when we can’t or don’t protect a child. It is estimated a child is molested in this country every two minutes!!!  One out of four women and one out of 11 men have been sexually abused as children.  Most abusers are relatives of the children or close family friends. Strangers are rarely the offenders. What does this tell me? We keep these family secrets as if that is going to make it go away or eventually make things better by keeping quiet.  It doesn’t. We need to start talking about this as often as possible so our children feel comfortable speaking out if someone is abusing them.

If you are a victim of sexual abuse, please get help. It is not your fault. Talk to someone you can trust. Don’t blame yourself EVER. No child should ever have to endure this or any type of abuse. If you as an adult have any doubts someone is getting abused in your family, or your school or your neighborhood, ask questions, call crisis hotline or your school counselor, the only way we can stop this epidemic is by shining light on the issue. We have to get rid of these dark secrets by shining the light of truth, justice and accountability.

 

The effects of sexual abuse are devastating.

Depresion, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, propensity to further victimization in adulthood, and physical injury to child among other problems.-

  • Sexual abuse by a family member or incest, and can result in more serious and long-term psychological trauma, especially in the case of parental incest. Some children who have been sexually abused have difficulty relating to others except on sexual terms according to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry.

http://www.aacap.org/galleries/FactsForFamilies/09_child_sexual_abuse.pdf

  • No child is psychologically prepared to cope with repeated sexual stimulation.
    • Even a two or three year old, who cannot know the sexual activity is wrong, will develop problems resulting from the inability to cope with the overstimulation.
    • If the child tries to break away from the sexual relationship, the abuser may threaten the child with violence or loss of love.

 

  • Sexually abused children may also develop the following:
    • Unusual interest in or avoidance of all things of a sexual nature
    • Sleep problems or nightmares
    • Depression or withdrawal from friends and family
    • Seductiveness
    • Statements that their bodies are dirty or damaged, or fear that there is something wrong with them in the genital area
    • Refusal to go to school
    • Delinquency/conduct problems
    • Secretiveness
    • Aspects of sexual molestation in drawings, games, fantasies
    • Unusual aggressiveness
    • Suicidal behavior
    • Overacting sexually

 

What must be done to avoid sexual abuse or prevent it?

1. Be very vigilant. Pay attention if you notice any child exhibiting classical signs of sexual abuse such as unaccounted injuries, substance abuse, depression, hypersexual behavior or withdrawal.

2. Provide a safe place for the child to speak his or her mind. Children fear they won’t be believed or they will be blamed for the situation.

3. Tell their children that If someone tries to touch your body and do things to make you feel funny, say NO to that person and tell me right away

4. Teach their children that respect does not mean blind obedience to adults and to authority, for example, don’t tell children to, “Always do everything the teacher or baby-sitter tells you to do.”

5. Encourage professional prevention programs in the local school system.

 

A few years ago we did a show with a sexual abuse survivor. She has the courage, wisdom and strength to speak out and help others in the same predicament.

 

Surviving Sexual Abuse on Living Smart with Patricia Gras

 

On Living Smart with Patricia Gras Vikki Bush shares what she had to do to overcome childhood sexual abuse she endured.

Recent stories(articles) on child sexual abuse:

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How do we make marriages work? Stop Your Griping!

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How do we make marriages work? Stop Your Griping!

Posted on 07 October 2011 by Ashley Mancha

Be sure to watch marriage counselor Donald Cole on Living Smart with Patricia Gras this Sunday at 3pm (repeats Friday night at 10pm)

 

Why is it that most American marriages end in divorce? How can I get my marriage to last longer? What should I know before I get married? These are too often asked questions by many couples today. If there were a book that told couples exactly how marriage would be, the divorce rate still wouldn’t budge because humans have flaws and unexpected behaviors.

According to the United States Census Bureau, 2,443,000 people wed in 1990, yet 1,182,000 couples divorced in the same year.  The numbers haven’t changed much from then until now and that’s enough to discourage any couple right?

What are the enemies of a great marriage? One of the most common is overactive criticism. Have you ever said something humiliating, hurtful or insulting to your spouse? Have you done it more than once? That’s where most arguments start; that’s were most marriages begin to end.

It’s Impossible to predict the future but much research is being geared towards saving marriages. According to Lutheran Minister and Relationship counselor, Dr. Donald Cole, miscommunication is more normal than you would think. It’s all about what you do to fix the miscommunication.  Dr. Cole’s approach reinforces these basic problems and antidotes:

The four horsemen that kill relationships

Criticism:

Defensiveness: feeling a need to defend yourself in the conversation.

Stonewalling: removing yourself from the conversation before it’s over. Shutting down and not speaking.

Contempt: developing an opinion of our partner that they are somehow less than us.

Antidotes

Gentle complaining: one partner mentions a problem in a direct but respectful manner.

Taking responsibility: the other partner recognizes what they are doing wrong and tries to fix it. Helps to lower the defensiveness.

Self-soothing: During stonewalling the stonewaller is becoming heated and needs to calm him/herself down.

Creating a culture of fondness and admiration:

In a relationship of any kind, it’s very easy to realize all of the negative things and couples rarely step back and appreciate one another. Here are Dr. Cole’s tips to maintain a good marriage.

Three things to remember about marriage

Be good friends

Learn to have a softer approach when something is bothering us

Create an idea of we-ness

 

To get the real tips on how to save a marriage watch Donald Cole this Sunday at 3pm on Living Smart with Patricia Gras

 

 

 

For more information on Marriage, Divorce, and how divorce affects children visit the links below

 

More articles on this topic:

 

by Ashley Mancha and Patricia Gras

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Global Warming

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Global Warming

Posted on 29 September 2011 by Ashley Mancha

When do I need to toss out my wool sweaters?  While most scientists agree that climate change is particularly due to human activities, it is important for us to remember that scientists are always testing and retesting their hypotheses as the climate changes.

According to the National Academy of Sciences, “there is no doubt that climate will continue to change throughout the 21st century and beyond, but there are still important questions regarding how large and how fast these changes will be, and what effects they will have in different regions.”

Even if not all of us are scientists, we know that the weather is changing. For example, Texas, a state experienced with plenty of rain is now experiencing record breaking weather: droughts, temperatures in the 100s and a breakout of wildfires. The East Coast on the other hand is suffering from too much rain. Recently, Hurricane Irene was the first hurricane to make landfall in New Jersey since 1903. 1903! Well over a century ago!

But let’s go back to Texas. Texas’ governor and running mate for the Republican presidential ticket, Rick Perry, does not believe in global warming. He has made it very clear that we humans are not contributing to global warming. He also thinks that “a substantial number of scientists…have manipulated data so that they will have dollars rolling into their projects.”

 

 

 

 

Global warming, a scientific phenomenon has become very much a political issue. Ultimately, it will and does affect us all because we live on this planet, breathe the same air and share the same moon and sun.

Here are some basic things you can do to make a difference. Whether you believe global warming is caused by man or not. Something major is happening to our climate and there are things you can do protect the environment.  According to Globalwarmingfacts.org here are some things you  can do to help:

  • Change an incandescent light bulb with a compact fluorescent light bulb. CFLs use 60% less energy, which will save about 300 pounds of carbon dioxide a year (and our energy bill!)
  • Cover your pots while cooking. They save a great amount of energy while preparing your meals
  • Use the washing machine and dishwasher only when they are full
  • Recycle. You can save around 2,400 pounds of carbon dioxide a year by recycling.
  • Purchase a plastic water bottle and reuse it. The packaged water bottles we buy at the stores aren’t any good-plus how purified is their water? If we fill up at home, we know our water is clean
  • Reuse shopping bags. Many places sell bags at a convenient price. You can tote them from store to store. Some places even give you a discount if you use these bags

Even if you don’t believe in global warming, you can benefit from using these tips- that can also save you some money.

If you are interested in this topic. Here are more articles on the subject.

http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2011/aug/22/rick-perry/rick-perry-says-more-and-more-scientists-are-quest/

http://dels-old.nas.edu/dels/rpt_briefs/climate_chawww.pewclimate.org

www.ipcc.ch

www.climatetechnology.gov

nge_2008_final.pdf

 

http://www.nwf.org/~/media/PDFs/Global%20Warming/Global%20Warming%20State%20Fact%20Sheets/Texas.ashx

http://www.mindingthecampus.com/originals/global-warming-2.jpg

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQmz6Rbpnu0&feature=related
Why we should care

By Kristen Khalaf and Patricia Gras

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Claudio Sanchez, Education and Winner Take all Politics

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Claudio Sanchez, Education and Winner Take all Politics

Posted on 23 September 2011 by Patricia Gras

There is no doubt. Public education is a political minefield. There are many players, but lately, no one seems to be winning. The students, the teachers, the parents, the politicians, society, administrators. They are all getting blamed because…well…things are just not going well in public education. In Texas we are defunding education. Why? Are we too broke to fund education? Is it a priority? Do we care? Are we paying too much and getting too little in return? The fact is, the country that does not focus its resources in educating its children and its citizens will not be capable of prosperity, success and innovation in the long run. Does anyone have the answer? Not really, because the subject is complicated, because we are living in interesting times. Today, school may not be enough to be successful, but what is certain is that NO SCHOOL is enough to make life much more difficult for the average person.

NPR Education correspondent Claudio Sanchez recently spoke at an Art Education conference in Houston. He spoke about a lot of things but I picked up on what I am interested in. Most importantly, I picked up on how we need to reframe the conversation. It is now very popular to criticize teachers for what is going on. Our basic failure to educate at risk students, but are they really to blame?  I want to know why we can’t seem to make a dent on drop out rates and why so many kids are falling through the cracks. Here are some of the statistics he shared.

Only 15 percent of 9th graders in the United States will graduate from college on time.

One million teens drop out of school every year!

Parental involvement is the biggest predictor of how kids will do.

Schools and what happens there account for 35% of a student’s success, the other 65% teachers and schools have no control over. Things such as housing, health care, nutrition and they type of parents they have do play a big role.

What is my interpretation? what is my underlying message?  POVERTY AND INEQUALITY. If the parents are getting poorer, they have less time to provide for their kids or spend time with them or being parents. Then there are the parents that shouldn’t be parenting. The kidssuffer and here is where I bring up the book that every American should read today read a point of view on what is happening. It is called Winner Take All Politics. How Washington Made the Rich Richer and Turned Its Back on the Middle Class by Jacob s. Hacker and Paul Pierson. 

 

Changes in Government policies brought on by BOTH PARTIES that favor those at the very top. The super rich.

“The share of [national] income earned by the top 1 percent of Americans has increased from around 8 percent in 1974 to more than 18 percent in 2007…. The only time since 1913 … that this share has been higher was 1928.”

The top  .1 percent of american had about 7.3 percent of total national after tax income in 2000 up from 1.2 percent in 1970. If the effect of taxes on their income had remained what  it was in 1970, the would have had about 4.5 percent of after tax income

Since the 80′s the American economy enjoyed tremendous prosperity and expansion, yet at the same time, inequality rose. The government did little to redistribute income. They ended welfare.  They cut capital gains taxes and the minimum wage did not get adjusted to inflation. As a result the middle class suffered.

The top 1 percent have enjoyed 36 percent of all the income growth generated in the U.S. economy. What did the rest of Americans get?

What’s the solution to our education, inequality, and poverty problem?  Let’s start by becoming aware of some facts, because politicians are making policies based on arguments they favor, not the facts.

If we cease to educate our youth in America, we will all pay no matter what political persuasion you support. Ask yourself what role can you play. Can you mentor someone?can you volunteer at your school?  Can you attend school board meetings? We can make a difference in our own community. If each one of us could make a different in at least one student’s life. We would be proactive in dealing with the education crisis we are facing.

 

http://www.collegeparents.org/members/resources/articles/will-your-college-student-graduate-time

http://www.fayettevilleflyer.com/2011/04/07/npr-reporter-claudio-sanchez-to-speak-at-lemke-project-celebration/

http://www.kanw.com/people/npr-people-claudio-sanchez

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Addicts and Addiction

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Addicts and Addiction

Posted on 09 September 2011 by Patricia Gras

By Kristen Khalaf and Patricia Gras

Addicts. Addiction. Approximately 30 million people in the United States are addicted to drugs or alcohol. That’s roughly 1 out of 8 people.  Yet, when we hear ‘addict’ or ‘addiction,’ we don’t imagine a young child as an addict, specifically a 10 year old.

Derek Steele’s first encounter with an addictive substance began when he was an elementary school child. At 8, Steele had his first taste of tequila. By 10, his first joint. Normally, a 10 year old is busy playing on a bike or a game station–not smoking pot. The rest of his adolescent time line goes like this: 13 years- acid; 14-coke; 15-unknown. Steele meddled with so many drugs and alcohol that there is no way of knowing which substance he was using. Growing up, his life was anything but typical. You can watch this program online on www.houstonpbs.org/livingsmart.

“Imagine the hopelessness of knowing within a year you’d be in jail or dead,” says Steele.

Alcohol takes total control of your brain and spinal cord, both of which virtually control everything. According to www.abovetheinfluence.com, “alcohol actually blocks some of the messages trying to get to the brain.” The Web site lists statistics such as 1 in 6 fatal traffic accidents in 2006 involved an alcohol-impaired driver.

  “The truth is that people have to get to the point to where they’re ready to change. Sometimes it has to come from that person themselves in the position that they’re in,” says Steele.

Forever will March 17, 1993 be the day that Derek Steele was saved. He checked into a treatment center and managed to change his life. Within a year, he was sober and was a partner in a successful construction company. Steele’s timeline is now a happier one: in 1997, he co-founded a software company that would gross over $5 million dollars a year; 1999: wedding bells rang for him; and at 35, Steele became a multi-millionaire.

Derek is no longer suffering. His story is one of second chances and truly that miracles do happen.

To learn if someone has an addiction, Steele has a few signs to keep out for.

1. Abnormal behavior: “When you see abnormal behaviors, don’t dismiss it. It doesn’t hurt to investigate. Parents get in denial just as much as addicts do.”

2. Change in friends: “performance at school or in certain things is not inline with what you think it should be, then that’s a pretty good indicator that that group is having a negative influence.”

3. Physical and emotional changes: “This one is a little bit harder to see, but, once again, you just have to be in tune with what seems to be within your range of healthy behaviors associated with somebody of that age.”

4. Genetic disposition: “If you know that that is something that runs in the family, then you should be extra vigilant in keeping an eye out for it.”

5. Obsession with drug-using culture: “If I’m interested in drugs and alcohol and high risk behaviors, then a lot of times that will be displayed in the things that I’m watching or that I’m focusing on. It’s typically a good indicator of where my interests lie.”

To spread the word of how damaging addiction is, Steele is now a board member and director of a community outreach of Teen and Family Services in Houston and volunteers at Covenant House.

“I’ve asked myself a thousand times, ‘Why me?’ A million guys who were like me are dead or in prison.”

Check out Steele on September 21, 2011 at 11: 30 p.m. on “Living Smart with Patricia Gras,” which airs on Houston PBS, where he will share his story and his novel, Addict at Ten.

 

http://www.angrytrainerfitness.com/2010/12/taste-it-or-waste-it-alcohol/

http://www.abovetheinfluence.com/facts/drugsalcohol/

http://www.houstonpbs.org/shows/localproductions/living-smart/701-overcoming-addiction.html

http://www.cksinfo.com/education/signs/index.html

Comments (4)

Jody Williams Tonight at 11pm and Women, War and Peace  Mark your calendars!

Jody Williams Tonight at 11pm and Women, War and Peace Mark your calendars!

Posted on 01 September 2011 by Patricia Gras

 

For the Past three months we have been working on two programs on Houston refugees and the plight of women all over the world. the programs won’t air until October when PBS launches the unprecedented  series on Women, War and Peace.  

As I began my research on this topic I realized how little Houstonians know about their refugee community. Houston is a hub for refugees who come with many battle stories. They have incredible resilience, a commitment to hard work and great love and appreciation for our city and our nation. For those who want to know if  they are here LEGALLY. The answer is yes. They have permission to work and study but many come after decades living in deplorable conditions with almost nothing and they have suffered so much, it is surprising they can still get up every day!

To learn more about them and what you can do, Please  Mark your Calendars!  the three programs will air on Houston PBS/Channel 8 and will focus on Women, War and Peace and our Houston Refugee Community. We are asking your help in spreading the word because we believe members of your organization will find these programs especially pertinent to view and to share.

 The programs will feature a Conversation with Nobel Peace Prize Winner Jody Williams on Women, War and Hope. This program will air

on October 4th at 11pm on HoustonPBS Ch. 8.

 The program Houston Refugees: Stories of Courage will air on October 11th at 11pm on HoustonPBS Ch. 8 and it features three refugees from Congo, Burma and Bhutan. We will also interview Maliha Imami from the Alliance for Multicultural Services, Rosalie Hyde of the Galveston Houston Trauma Institute and Dr. Sofia Banu, a psychiatrist with Baylor College of Medicine who recently started a Clinic For International Trauma Survivors.

 The PBS series on Women War and Peace will air every Tuesday night at 10pm beginning October 11th through November 14th.  

Please consider adding this information to your organization. If you are outside the Houston broadcast area, the program will air at different dates and times; so be sure to check your local listings. Additional resources and biographic information about guests will be linked to the HoustonPBS web page.

 Thanks for your help!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Comments (1)

Patricia Gras (Twitter)

  • Sometimes what you really need is to disconnect. That is what I plan to do in the next few weeks, so I have the energy to connect as needed 3 days ago
  • A veces lo que uno necesita es desenchufarse..apagar todo, eso es lo que voy hacer en mis vacaciones 3 days ago
  • Living Smart-ly Try to spend time in nature as much as you can if you can't surround yourself with flowers, trees or plants 4 days ago
  • Living Smart-ly Trata de estar algo de tiempo en tu dia en la naturaleza, y si no puedes al menos rodeate de flores, plantas o arboles 4 days ago
  • I will be in Argentina for a few weeks, work and pleasure. 4 days ago
  • We are starting a new college smart series this summer of 2012. Stay Tuned! 5 days ago
  • Happy Mother's day. Feliz Dia de la Madre! 5 days ago

Must Read Books

  • 100 years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
  • Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
  • Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
  • Kite Runner by by Khaled Hosseini
  • Mistress of Spices by Chitra Divakaruni
  • Paula by Isabel Allende
  • The Kingdom Within by John A. Sanford
  • The Middle Passage by James Hollis
  • The Nature of Evil Daryl Koehn
  • The Power of Positive Thinking by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale

Take A Closer Look

http://www.latinosol.com/ http://over50andirresistible.com/ http://cynicalnews.org