SPARKING CREATIVITY

BY Julie Blanco and Patricia Gras

Dr. Raul Cuero thinks children and adults are  both at a creative disadvantage when born into luxury.  He begins to say that creativity deals with how you precede nature. You have to be a good observer of nature and understand your place in it. Children today are spending too much time indoors on computers and are given a limited scope of the world in which they are living in. “They need to spend more time outdoors, making observations and playing with nature because whatever we do with equipment, whatever we do in term of ideas, everything come from nature [sic].” Cuero believes another problem is happening to children’s creativity. Since children are spending so much time on electronics, they are experiencing a lack of communication. He believes that “ideas emerge from interaction with other ideas.” He stresses the importance of interacting with others. Simply sitting on your porch drinking tea with a friend can spark creativity by bouncing ideas back and forth in conversation. A misconception that Cuero noted is that you learn by reading.

On the contrary to learning straight from books, he believes that you learn by doing. A problem that comes from this is that children are not able to think for themselves. Many times they are stuck in situations where they have to follow strict instructions and are left with no opportunity to create. You need to use your hands and play with nature to create new thinking. Cuero says, “When you do something you have many questions, and when you have many questions, that’s the way you have creativity.” Cuero thinks college students also  pose as a prime example of the creative disadvantage epidemic . As a college student you spend the majority of your time studying, doing projects, and getting distracted by the internet and phones. Students have become captivated by the ever-so-popular social networking sites of Facebook and Twitter and also with the evolving phone technologies.

If you walk across a college campus you will see a mass of students on their phones surfing the internet, texting their friends, pretending to text their friends so they’re not just awkwardly standing around, and on the rare occasion, actually making a phone call. The problem with this picture is that students are relying on technology to communicate and build relationships with others rather than doing so face to face. These students need to find a way to break the cycle of sitting inside and being on a computer all day. They need to enjoy friendships and embrace the outside world more frequently than when they walk to class, that is if they even go to class.

Fortunately, there is a way for University of Houston students to find a way to spend time outdoors with their peers. This can all be done through a program called Outdoor Adventure. While participating in this program, students are introduced to outdoor activities in hands on, learning experiences. Students are able to soak up the essence and beauty of nature while spending time with old and new friends.  Activities that support this include the use of the Climbing Wall in the rec center, day and overnight trips across Texas, Educational Series to learn the basics of outdoor skills, and Teambuilding for group and individual development through experimental activities. The Outdoor Adventure program provides students with a sense of accomplishment, and even contributes to the development of leadership, communication and problem solving skills.

Do you think you are creative? How do you feel we can embrace our creativity?

Julie Blanco is an intern for Patricia Gras at Houston PBS. She is a University Studies junior at Texas A&M University.

Note: The views and opinions expressed in this blog entry are not necessarily the views and opinions of Houston PBS.

Living Smart: Managing Your Career

By Mila Clarke and Patricia Gras

As adults, we spend most of our waking hours in our jobs. Between raises and firings, changes in direction and evolving company cultures, it’s easy to become  overwhelmed with your career. How can you manage it, and make the workplace a more enjoyable place?

In the upcoming episode of Living Smart with Patricia Gras airing on July 17th at 3 p.m., and July 22^nd at 10:30 p.m., international coach, Karen Otazo, tells us how we can navigate the workplace more efficiently.

Otazo says  you need to adopt the “when in Rome” attitude when you’re beginning a new job – meaning you should allow yourself to play by the new rules of your new job. The baggage from your old job has to be let go of in order for you to do an adequate job at your new place of employment. You also have to be sure you build trust with your peers.

“You’ve got to test it, and there’s four kinds of tests. You actually have to test whether they will get something done. Let’s say there’s a secretary that works for you and other People. When you give her or him something and you say, “This is the deadline,” and you write it down, do they do it? Do they do it properly? But you have to also ask, figure out, if someone has expertise. When you go to the secretary or to the lawyer or to the human resources exec, do they have the expertise to answer your questions? That’s expertise trust. Yes. There’s other kinds of trust, as well.”

Getting noticed is also key to navigating the job landscape. Otazo mentions that you should ask questions and get feedback around the office. Asking questions gets others to take notice that you’re paying attention and that you’re interested in what you do.

One of the most important aspects if navigating your career is networking. With the amount of web space we have to connect, it’s extremely easy to stay relevant in peoples minds. Otazo says to think of a network like a bunch of concentric circles. She says that it’s important to have a large network of people in other sates, or countries.

Networking can also easily lead to your next assignment. Otazo says that “networking means that somebody tells somebody else, so when you do good work, you’re creating the story about you so, you really are able to get into the next assignment because enough people know about you.”

To learn more about Managing your career, watch Living Smart with Patricia Gras featuring Karen Otazo on Sunday, July 17^th  at 3 p.m. and then again on Friday, July 22th at 10:30 pm.

By Patricia Gras

Your four years in high school are over. A new life begins in college soon and you may feel relief along with some anxiety and excitement. College can be challenging at times but very much like life itself, it is what you make it. Here are some thoughts and wisdom I wish I had known before I went to college.

Making good grades is important, but it will not define the kind of person you become or the sort of success you will have. Don’t get caught up like I did on grades and cease to enjoy the experience just to get a 4.0. When you finally join the working world, people will remember how you made them feel, how effectively you did your job, if you are making the world a better place, or if you are creating value, not if you were summa cum laude!

There are many types of people in college. Hang with those who share your values, live in integrity, study hard, care for others, know how to laugh real loud and dance as if no one is watching. You will know if those you choose as friends fill you with energy or drain it. Don’t waste time with those who do.

Beware of those who drink too much or do drugs. They are most likely numbing some sort of pain or hiding insecurities. Feel compassion but don’t engage in their behavior. If you too feel unbearable pain, learn to embrace it, learn from it, and know… it too will pass. You can learn from joy and you can learn from suffering and pain. In my experience I have grown and learned more from the latter.

At your age, falling in love is almost inevitable, but don’t try to complete yourself with a magical other. No one can make you happy but yourself. There will be time for great relationships in the future as well. If you decide to have one, make sure he/she supports you, respects you, studies just as hard as you do or more and is truly one of your best friends. College is a journey and you will have to climb hills, valleys and mountains, having someone accompany you can be wonderful. Having someone become your heavy backpack will only hurt you.

When you don’t do well in class, GET HELP, get a tutor, a friend, a classmate to help. Don’t wait until it is too late. Many times, it has nothing to do with you, but it is your responsibility to learn. No matter how successful some students appear to be (4.0) or perfect scores, they too will fail some day. It is a part of life, but only those who are persistent and consistent succeed. Many times, to do that you need to get help.

Study hard, but also find time to enjoy yourself. Study under the sun, be in nature as much as possible, excercise or move at least a half hour a day, and get enough sleep! Find one day of the week to have a good time or party, but don’t forget why you are in college. Remember having fun and partying is not something you should ONLY DO IN COLLEGE so don’t act like you only have four years to go wild.

Always look for the people who do well in class and befriend them. People generally want to help. To be the best, you have to hang out with the best. That is just common sense, the least common of the senses.

When things don’t go your way, in school, a relationship, a friendship… use your knees. Prayer helps. Believe in miracles. Your thoughts matter and the more positive they are, the better you will do.

Talk to your parents; communicate with them. If they are not around, find an adult you feel comfortable with. We adults may seem out of touch, but we have been there where you are now. Go to therapy if necessary but get help. Remember happiness may not last forever, but neither do your problems.

I love you and I am here for you. These are words that will come from SOMEONE in your life. If it is not a person, it may be your higher power. You are here on this planet for a reason, a purpose, a mission. Find out what it is and go for it. Have no fear. Be bold. Be strong. Don’t give up and when you think everything has failed, remember Winston Churchill said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.”

NOW, DEAR GRADUATE CELEBRATE! For a new wonderful life is just ahead of you. Congratulations Nicole!

Question: What is the biggest mistake you made in college? And what did you learn from it?

BY Sara Dhanji and Patricia Gras

In the upcoming episode of “Living Smart with Patricia Gras”, airing Sunday July 10 at 3 p.m. on HoustonPBS and repeating Friday July 15 at 10 p.m., author and former Coca-Cola Vice President of Marketing Laura Lopez will discuss the different aspects of an excellent leader and show viewers that being a good parent at home can translate into being a good leader in the workplace.

Laura Lopez after giving an inspirational speech in Texas

In her book The Committed and Connected Leader, Lopez discusses seven aspects of a good leader that include “be curious and see everyone, believe and let go, be receptive and yield, bereal and serve, be vulnerable and give of yourself, be consistent and clear, and be humble andkeep your ego in check.”

Insights like ‘believe and let go’ very clearly demonstrate Lopez’s belief that you must bring your heart to work because this aspect is very similarly applied as a mother at home and as a leader in the workplace. There is a constant balance between knowing that your child –or employee- is ready to take the next step in their learning, but also not letting go too soon. This balance is very important for an employee to tap into their potential and progress to a greater level. At the same time, you must believe that the people you are working with truly have the potential to improve and again, never doubt their abilities.

Being humble is also a core feature of a true leader. In our society, we’re  trained to make ourselves look the best. We are constantly competing against each other and vying for the top spot. But there is a very fine line between humble confidence and arrogance. The latter can destroy a leader. Believing that you’re better than any of the people you work with won’t allow you to stand side-by-side with them or connect with them either.

Lopez also emphasizes being receptive and yielding. Using the metaphor of a hurricane, she explains that rigid oak trees are broken after being buffeted by a storm while palm trees survivebecause they are supple –they ‘receive’ the winds that try to knock them down. In the same wayleaders can draw strength from being flexible. When a rigid leader walks into the room, there’sisn’t space for anyone else. A flexible leader on the other hand allows other people’s energy inthe process.

Lopez believes that the actual skills for leadership are not the ones that would come to mindfirst. She says the traditional “control and command” model is no longer successful in today’sbusinesses because the world is much more centered on people having a human connectionnow because of the diversity of the people working and the global nature of the workplace.Instead, Lopez emphasizes that a good leader takes the focus off him or herself and instead putsthe spotlight on the employees. This positive approach puts confidence into the employees andallows them to do their best work. The worst thing a leader can do is be doubtful of people in theworkplace. This lack of support will definitely result in people having less motivation to do greatwork.

Examples of leaders Laura Lopez considers to exemplify these aspects are people such asMahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa. These people would make good leaders and good parentsbecause they led people without being authoritarian. People wanted to listen to them becausethey were so humble and receptive. The true test of a leader is someone who is able to guide andinfluence without having to resort to the command and control model.

As the former VP of Marketing at Coca-Cola, Lopez is an expert in advertisement and shebelieves branding can be compared to the emotional connections between leaders and thepeople around them. Consumers often select brands they ‘trust’ because they have an emotionalconnection to it rather than an actual logical reasoning behind it. In the same way, leadership isabout the emotional connection between the people involved. The quantity of the people mattersless than the quality of the emotions involved.

Whether you are raising a child or overseeing others at work, it is very important for a leaderto empower the people they are working with and help them realize their full potential withoutstepping in too much.

What do you think makes a great leader?

Sara Dhanji is a contributor to patriciagras.net, she is also a Houston PBS intern and Journalism junior at the University of Texas at Austin.

Note: The views expressed in this article are not the views of Houston PBS.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? We would love to hear from YOU. Don’t be afraid to leave us a message.

What I learned this week: I play a major role in the challenges or problems I face with other people, therefore I take responsibility and if I don’t, sooner or later I have to deal with it.

What I am grateful for: One of my dear friends allowed me to have a healing conversation of few words with her the day before she died. We both knew she would pass but we both silently understood that it would be okay.

HEALING CONVERSATIONS
By Bianca Perez and Patricia Gras

We have all been in a situation when someone we love is going through a difficult time and finding the right words to comfort them seems downright impossible. What are we supposed to say to people with heavy hearts and minds or going through the “dark night of the soul?”

In the upcoming episode of “Living Smart with Patricia Gras” airing on July 3rd at 3pm, author and Emmy Award winning journalist, Nance Guilmartin guides us through the steps we should take to effectively communicate with someone going through difficult times.

Guilmartin says that truly listening is often better than having the perfect words to say. During her successful career as a journalist, Guilmartin found herself on both sides of the fence after losing loved ones and having friends who experienced grief themselves.  Guilmartin found that people’s best intentions are rarely successfully expressed when devastating events take place. She was then inspired to write her two books The Power of Pause and Healing Conversations: What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say.

As an educator, Guilmartin teaches her audiences that these powerful conversations are essential to the healing process, which is why they must be treated delicately. She says we become too obsessed with trying to fulfill what we think the person needs rather than actually listening to what the other has to say. Guilmartin says. It’s best to “So go in easy and first listen for what they might need or what they may not yet be ready to accept.  Be a friend, not a rescuer.”

The problem may very lie in our own definition of actually “listening.” According to Nance Guilmartin,“most people think listening is, ‘Well, I wasn’t saying anything.  I was listening.’  But of course your mind is rehearsing what you want to say and you’re having a reaction or an opinion or it’s not what you expected and so you’re in this whole mental mess.  So listening is to listen for what you don’t know.

Listening is only the first step of Guilmartin’s “Ten Principles of Healing Conversations.” The other principles include pausing, comforting, self-evaluation, preparedness, showing up, being resourceful, taking initiative, and showing compassion.

Likewise, Dr. Cecilia Sun, Assistant Director of the University of Houston’s Counseling and Psychological Services, holds listening to be of the utmost significance. “The best things to do,” she says, “are to listen, emphasize, and normalize. Many statements that are intended as encouragement end up minimizing or invalidating the other person’s experience.“

While grieving and depression generally passes with time, it is not uncommon for people to seek help from professionals to alleviate overwhelming emotions. However, we are often scared or hesitant to even recommend counseling to our loved ones. Most of the time, it is hard for us to decipher whether someone needs professional help or if the grief they are experiencing is normal. Dr. Sun offers that the first step is to recognize the signs and symptoms of distress which include, but are not limited to:

-complaining of sadness or crying more often
-being irritable on most days or having unexpected angry outbursts
-losing interest or pleasure in most activities
-avoiding friends, activities, school/work, social events
-increasing use of alcohol and/or drugs
-exhibiting severe behavior change, such as a quiet person becoming wild or active
-worrying or being unable to think of anything but the problem
-experiencing declining grades or other academic problems
-showing greatly increased energy, decreased need for sleep, euphoria, or manic behavior
-thinking or talking about death or dying.

In the event that such symptoms are present, she says it is best to “talk with your friend privately and allow time for the conversation. Express your concerns honestly in terms of what you have noticed in their behavior. Be caring and firm, not judgmental. Ask about your friend’s intentions directly and do not agree to keep his/her concerns a secret. Acknowledge the stigma some people associate with therapy services and emphasize help-seeking as a sign of strength.“

Regardless of what the situation may be, the best thing do is to be there for those we love during their trials and tribulations and participate in these difficult, but powerful conversations. As for ourselves, it is always important to surround ourselves with loving and supporting people who would do the same. We must also remember that there is never any shame in offering or asking for it. After all, time heals all wounds, but friends are an amazing way to expedite the process!

To learn more about healing conversations, watch “Living Smart with Patricia Gras” featuring Nance Guilmartin on Sunday, July 3rd at 3pm and then again on Friday, July 8th at 10pm.

You can also visit Nance Guilmartin’s website at:

http://www.healingconversations.com/

Question: Did you know your hormone levels can make you really depressed and at times psychotic?

Here, you can watch the Episode of Living Smart with Patricia Gras, where Patti interviews Laurel Spence, the Maternal and Child Health Director, Physician Assistant Program, Baylor College of Medicine and an Instructor, School of Allied Health Sciences.

Emotionally Intelligent Marriages

By:  Lezlee Brinkman, Patricia Gras

Patti’s reflections:

What I learned this week: Although I support the institution of marriage, I knew enough about myself, not to get married.

What I am grateful for:  I am glad my parents loved each other enough to stay married and care for each other in their old age

This week’s blog features Dr. Donald Cole, licensed Marriage and Family Counselor, who will be featured on the Living Smart episode airing on Houston PBS June 26 at 3 pm and repeated on Friday,  July 1 at 10pm.  In this blog, we explore the issues of criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt in marriage.

According to the Center of Disease Control, in 2010 the divorce rate has decreased from 44 percent to 41 percent for first time marriages, decreasing the overall rate of marriages for young adults between the ages of 25-34 by 10 percent.  Studies have shown that an increasing amount of people are electing instead to cohabitate without formally getting married.

Popular culture and the changing views of a new generation may be the reason behind a couple’s reticence to join together in holy matrimony.  It may also be that women are electing to wait until they have firmly established their careers before taking the plunge.  On the other hand, perhaps it is simply a matter of recognizing that both men and women are unprepared to do the work.  For those people who want to learn the techniques of how to have a successful and enduring marriage, there is help.

Dr. Donald Cole is a marriage counselor at the Center for Relationship Wellness in Houston, Texas. He and his wife are committed to helping couples save their marriages by using the Gottman method.

Dr. Gottman has been the nation’s foremost researcher in marriage and parenting for over thirty-five years.

“Back in the mid-‘90s, I began reading Dr. Gottman’s work, and it just resonated with me”, says Dr. Cole.

“What we’ve learned is it’s not so much about being a good communicator as being good at understanding and repairing our miscommunications”, says Dr. Cole.

Dr. Gottman and his wife Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman founded the Gottman Relationship Institute in Seattle, Washington.  At their center, the Gottman’s have outlined through their method the biggest pitfalls couples may encounter within their relationship.

“The methods that have grown out of the Gottman method seem to really be effective with the couples with whom I work, and that’s a lot of pleasure for me”, says Dr. Donald Cole.

The Gottman method, as known as the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse, breaks down four of the most destructive cycles couples commonly find themselves.  The first attitude is criticism which is where person may launch an attack of their partner’s character instead of simply complaining about the real reason the person is bothered.  The second attitude or cycle is defensiveness.  Many times defensiveness is in reaction to the partner’s criticism of the other partner.  For example, someone might tell their partner, “You’re always late!  What’s wrong with you?”  Reflexively, the accused partner might get defensive and fire back, “Well, I might be late sometimes, but you never put gas in the car.”  This is a classic defensive move, according to the Gottman method to deflect and to change the subject.  The third attitude is stonewalling which is an emotional withdrawal from the conflict. Both men and women can be guilty of this tactic but it is found mostly commonly among men.

“The research does show that in heterosexual couples, men do the stonewalling about 85 percent of the time.  I think it does have something to do with the fact that men have a more active alarm system—generalized alarm system—where we’re the ones who tend to react to danger or threat more forcefully,” says Dr. Donald Cole.

Finally the last cycle that people may find themselves is contempt.  Contempt is in some ways according the Dr. Cole is “the most toxic of the Four.”

He explains that by the time a couple has reached this point they may be saying things like, “Why did I ever marry this person? I can’t believe I ever got involved with someone like you.”  By the time the marriage has reached this level Dr. Cole says, the marriage is in real trouble.

Dr. Cole discusses some solutions from the Gottman method that might help bring couples back from the edge.  First, couples could try gentle complaining which is where someone talks about what is upsetting them in terms of “I”.  “What I need or what I feel” are good starting points for a conversation.  Next is taking responsibility for ones actions instead of trying to shift the blame.  Third is self soothing.  This is often associated with stonewalling.  Many times the person may simply just need a few moments to themselves to catch their breath.

Dr. Cole says, “Outside they may be looking really calm or really stoic like and no feelings, but inside, they’re churning a great deal.”

Finally, creating a culture of fondness and admiration between one another is the key before allowing contempt to get too far.  “One way of thinking about this is the happy, successful couples—they seem to observe their partner to catch them doing something right—something that makes them feel good so they can talk about that,” says Dr. Cole.

Check out Dr. Donald Cole’s website at:

http://crwhouston.com/about.html

Check out Dr. John Gottman outline the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbJPaQY_1dc